Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
