Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
