I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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