I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
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