My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
