sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
