PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
