sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
