He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
