12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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