I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
