"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
