She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
barbara walters just said penis...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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