**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
They took my balls.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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