I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
