bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have aggressive nipples.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
