I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
