Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
