420 ftw
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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