Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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