There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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