You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
