i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
