Betty ford says i'm here all night
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
