Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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