the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
