if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
