are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
