and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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