Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
