omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
