I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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