I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
