what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
