Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
