You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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