she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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