Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
