I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
