my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The air was thick with penises
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
