I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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