i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
