I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize