The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
