My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
