i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
