when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
