He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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