I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
