someone owes me an orgasm
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
