The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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