I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
