dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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