We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
