In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
