I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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