Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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