i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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