if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
