your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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