dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
