ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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