You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
