Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
