Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
sarcasm needs its own font
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
its liver damage thursday
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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