You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
