the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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