Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
