Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
