Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
